The Unspoken Rules of the Bus

Hey people! Long time no talk. It has just occurred to me that every single post begins with that. So I'm gonna stop saying that. Clearly I'm not one of those people with seven million tweets and a blog post every day of their lives. But I digress. I really wanted to talk about the people who ride the bus. It occurs to me that many of you fine folks have never had the pleasure of experiencing the joys of public transit. So let me just give you a few rules in the event that you choose to partake in the adventure that is public transit.
1.) Don't stand at the front of the bus. You don't want to be 'that guy' who stands at the front of the bus even though it's empty and makes everyone who gets on squeeze by you.
P.S If you choose to be that guy then please don't look all offended when I push past you without so much as a look of apology. Douche bag, MOVE BACK
2.) Please have your change ready when you board the bus. Yes, I understand if you run to catch the bus and you have to fish the change from your pocket. I get it, I do. But how about the people who are standing there waiting for it and take 10 minutes to find it. Am I the only one who makes sure I have the correct change before boarding? No? Didn't think so.
Also, if you find the you do not have the correct change please don't come and ask me if I would mind sparing a few dollars. I mind. Very much so.
3.) Don't sit next to someone when there are empty seats all around. There is nothing more annoying then someone who chooses to sit next to you when the bus has 4 people in it. Not only is it annoying but it's creepy. 4.) If you choose to sit next to me because there's nowhere else to sit that's fine. But please, if you see that I need to get off the bus get the hell out of my way. I need to get past you so please stand up and let me out. None of this sideways leg turn nonsense. My ass does not need to come that close to your face. Get up.
5.) Don't be a seat hog. If there's an empty seat next to you and you put your bag on it you can bet your ass I'm cussing you out in my mind. Not only that, I will ask you to please move your bag and let me sit. Well now, this is awkward isn't it?
6.) Wear deodorant. Does this really need an explanation? You stink.
7.) I don't want to hear your life story. You missed the bus yesterday? really? and then your cat was sick? and then you had to go shopping? REALLY? No. I don't care. I'm on the bus because I have to be. I'm not here for chit chat. If you want to chat then pull out your phone like the rest of us.

This list is far from complete but its all I can think of right now...
Goodbye blogger world!
Peace and love!
~Chris